Saturday, April 26, 2014


Riding on the dashboard of my car is a Ladybug.  A stuffed Ladybug that sits there and watches over me as I drive.

A stuffed Ladybug who's once black hair has now turned blonde from the beams of sun shining through my car windshield for almost 20 years!

In 1998 for my 30th birthday (yea, y'all can stop doing the math! I'm no spring chicken!) I was finally able to buy myself my dream car! (and yes this Jersey girl can say y'all sometimes too!! I have southern relatives! and some southern roots!)

For my 30th I bought a 1994 Ford Mustang GT convertible with "5 on the floor" - that's a manual 5 speed transmission for those of you who were wondering what "5 on the floor meant" - a stick shift!

I am a firm believer that a Mustang should be 8 cylinders with a manual transmission.  Those who get a Mustang in a 6 cylinder and an automatic are missing the beauty of this classic muscle car! Ford shouldn't even indulge the pansy ass public by making the Mustang in a 6 cylinder automatic! To me it's sacrilege!

So in 1998 for my 30th birthday, I bought myself the car of my dreams in red of course!  My favorite color.  And to christen my beautiful car, I bought a black and red stuffed Ladybug and placed in the windshield. Ladybug has been my good luck charm, my protector, my travel companion, my safe journey as I gallivanted as far as my 5 speeds would take me.

And there on the dashboard of my dream car Ladybug stayed until 2008 when I sold my dream car and bought a new car, a Chevy HHR. I know a far cry from my beloved Mustang but I love this car too! And of course it is red and a stick shift. There are two mandatory things I need when buying a car: it has to be red and it has to be a 5 speed (well of course a 6 speed would do too!)

Ladybug fit in perfectly with my new car and there she sits to this day being my good luck charm, my protector, my travel companion, my safe journey.

On the day I got the day...there was Ladybug sitting on my dashboard, watching over me as I drove to my adoption agency.

My mom was meeting me there and then we were going to meet the birth mom and the grandmother together.

We met with the social workers first.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how this was going to go...I mean really is there a precedent? Is there any way to prepare for something like this?

At first we went over formalities,  then the social workers painted the picture of when the birth mom and the grandmother saw my profile and how they felt such a strong connection.

And now it was time to meet them...once again I wasn't sure what to expect...and I was scared...would I live up to this strong connection...

As they walked through the door...I felt like I was watching a movie...a movie that I didn't know how it was going to end...

The grandmother walked in. She came right over to me and said: "I feel like I want to hug you!"

I said: "Oh please do!"

And we hugged...we hugged as if we knew each other from a time gone past...

The birth mom was carrying something and reached out to hand it to me.

I was an Easter basket with bunny ears in it. But this basket wasn't weaved or in the shape of a bunny...

No this basket was black and red and in the shape of a...


As the meeting progress, they told me of all the things that connected them to me...I felt a familiarity that is unexplainable...I studied them...I knew them...they were so familiar...and yes there was a strong connection and things that were just (add a sigh in here!)...things that were just kismet...for lack of a better word...that's the only way I can explain it.

I didn't mention Ladybug to them. Even after we started talking about all the amazing connections...for some reason I kept Ladybug to myself...until...until...

Until the day I picked up my daughter...

I gave the social workers two charm bracelets. One for the birth mom and one for the grandmother...

Two charm bracelets with a single charm on it...

a Ladybug...

I know they know...

And I want them to know that right now...sleeping safely in her our little Ladybug!


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Just an ordinary day...sort of...

April 15th 2014

Tax day!

My taxes were already done. I did them a few weeks earlier and thankfully I didn't owe. Whew! Always good news.

So for me April 15th 2014 started out like any other day...sort of...

The day before tax day, Sissy L sent me a text message asking if I could bring her to the doctors in the afternoon, the afternoon of April 15th.

That meant I had to take off work.

I really wasn't happy about taking off work, but I have vacation days available and that night (dreaded tax day night) I had a big test at my sister needed I took off from work.

Later that evening...the night before April 15th...Sissy L calls me and says she doesn't need me to drive her anymore...BUT I had already taken off from work.

I was annoyed.

I decided I would take the day off anyway...go to a Crossfit class in the morning and then study all day before my test at night.

So on April 15th 2014, I woke up and started my day...just an ordinary day...

I went to Crossfit. It was a killer class (I LOVE Crossfit!)

After class, I was talking to one of the owners of the gym when my cell phone rang.

I didn't recognize the number.  At first I thought it was business related. Possibly website issues that I wasn't in the mood to deal I answered the phone the way I always answer it when I don't know who it is:

"Michaela speaking"

"Hi Michaela, this is Danielle from the Children's Home Society"

To be honest, I was slightly confused. This was my adoption agency calling but Danielle is not my social worker. Angie is. And with it being tax day and all...I thought they were calling for some financial paperwork I still owed them...but I mean come on...can't a girl have a few days after tax day to get her tax info in!

"Oh Hi, where's Angie?"

"She's on vacation. Can I put you on speaker phone?"

Speaker phone? I was completely confused and not at all prepared for what happened next.


"Great. I have Patricia here and we both just wanted to say...Hi Mom!"

I didn't understand what they were saying...and then it hit me...I'm placed!!

At approximately 10:30 am on April 15th 2014 I became a mom.

Danielle and Patricia went on to tell me that a birth mom and the grandma picked me to be placed with a beautiful 9 month old little girl.

And they wanted me to meet the birth mother and grandma that less than 4 hours...

I think the first thing I said (who knows why!) is: "I have a big test tonight! I have to call my professor!"

Followed by: "I have to call my mom! I have to call my mom!"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't form sentences!

Then Patricia said something to me that will forever stay in my heart...she said...

"Michaela breathe! They don't want to meet you to decide if they want you. They have already decided you are the one. They want to meet you to share in your joy!"

Every time I think of that and every time I think of my meeting with these amazing women I feel a love, a bond, an undeniable, unexplainable connection...

Meeting them has changed me that meeting they told me that as soon as they saw my profile they knew I was meant to be this little girl's forever mommy...

Two days later on April 17th 2014 I brought my daughter home.

I am a mommy!

I am her forever mommy!



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