We all
know the scene...
Neighborhood
bully takes the arm of the shy kid or the arm of the fat kid and pulls it behind
his back, pulling up harder and harder declaring with each pull:
"Say
it!"
Pulling
harder: "Say it!!"
One excruciating
last pull: "Say Uncle!!!"
And the
poor little wimpy kid screams: "UNCLE!!!"
That
scream of "UNCLE!!!" is more than just that little wimpy kid not
being able to take the pain. It's a plea for mercy...it's a plea that says
through all my strength, through all that I CAN endure...it can't take this
anymore...I will sacrifice my strength, my pride, my fortitude and beg for mercy....because
I cannot take one more pull...
And the
little wimpy kid is left on the ground crying...not crying because his arm
hurts...crying because he gave in...he had no more strength, no more fortitude
and no more pride...crying because he gave up!
Infertility
(IF) is my bully, twisting my arm behind
my back until I can't take anymore...
As we know
I am in my "final" final cycle (16th!!! cycle) with Dr. Period and
crew which includes Dr. Corny.
*On a side
note...I can't decide if Dr. P and crew are amazingly competent or completely
incompetent.
Leading up
to my "final" final cycle I had to get a bunch of testing. A bunch of
testing that I already had multiple times in the last "4 fucking
years!"
This
testing included an HSG. An HSG that after several trips to the hospital to get
the results, the only logical conclusion is that the test was completely fucked
up! Instead of going into details on
this colossal screw up (because there is so much more to come) let just say the
radiologist who should have take multiple pictures throughout the test, took
only one! Every time I went back to the hospital they kept giving me that same damn
picture! Only one lousy picture that didn't even show the needed results!
"Say
it!!"
*Note -
the HSG screw up was not Dr. Corny's fault. I had gone to another doctor, which
it wasn't this other doctor's fault either...it was the radiologists fault.
So now Dr.
Corny wants to do a saline sonogram. No big deal right!
"Say
it!!"
Here I am
with my legs in stirrups waiting for Dr. Corny to finish this procedure and
he's making a lot of fuss.
First he
can't get the speculum in and then he can't get the catheter threaded through
my cervix and into my uterus (come on dude!! You're an RE! Know your f'ucking way around a vagina, a cervix and a uterus!).
Then he
gets an air bubble which I now have learned causes problems with the ultrasound
machine. You can't get a picture through an air bubble...who knew!
And now Dr. Corny is apologizing with his (not so charming
but completely irritating) southern accent: "Oh looks like we gotta little
air bubble. Sorry about that! How y'a doing?"
Me:
"I'm okay" and in my head..."Hurry the fuck up dude!!"
Dr. Corny
(trying to be funny!): "Well at least you haven't kicked me."
Me
(seriously, you're not funny dude!): "Are you done?"
Dr. Corny:
"No. I'm working on it"
Me:
"Then you're not out of the woods yet!"
And in the
back of my mind, I can hear IF laughing,
twisting my arm going: "Say it!!" "Say it!!"
Finally my
tests are done and I am waiting for Leroy to start my cycle.
Leroy...who
is a very punctual guy decides to show up 5 days late...oh yes...torturous
("Saayyyyy it!!")
But finally
he's here!! Time to start my protocol.
Now a
protocol for a donor cycle is a lot less intensive than protocol for an OE
cycle...well at least it's supposed to be...
I take my
14 days of Estrace...which is longer than I have ever done before (hmmm competent?
incompetent?). And they have me taking
it both orally and vaginally...I've never done vaginally before...totally
weird! Estrace is a little blue pill (not THAT little blue pill but now that I
think about it has increased my libidio!)
Well inserting this little blue pill is not easy AND you end up leaking
blue out of your cookie!
Anyway 14
days later I am ready for my close-up!!
I go in
for my ultrasound and blood work. If all looks good a transfer date will be
scheduled....
"Say
it!!"
Apparently
the ultrasound tech notes on my chart that she sees a small structure in my
uterus that could be a cyst...not an ovarian cyst but something in my uterus
(christ it could still be Dr. Corny's air bubble! or maybe one of my little
blue pills).
I noticed
she wrote this but I didn't say anything. I figured I would ask when they called
me with my instructions.
And waited
for my instructions....
And waited
for my instructions...
Sometime
after 4pm they call me and told me to
come back in 2 days!
I wasn't
expecting that. I was expecting to be scheduled for a transfer so I was totally
thrown off guard and totally forgot to ask about this cyst. All I asked was
"Why?" and the nurse said: "Because the doctor wants to give
your lining a little more time to get thicker".
Now I think
it's important to mention that this clinic is over an hour and a half away from
me. I have to get up at 5am drive an hour and a half down there and then drive
an hour and a half to my job right after! It's exhausting and this is if there
is NO TRAFFIC! I live in New Jersey...need I say more!
Two days
later I am up at the ass crack of dawn making my trek to the RE's office. Lather, rinse, repeat! I notice that this
ultrasound tech writes the same thing as the last one about noticing a small
cyst! WTF!!
"Say
it!!"
The whole
car ride back to work I am crying. I just know this isn't good and I have a
list of questions for the nurse when she calls!
On the car
ride from the RE's office to work I end up getting stuck in bumper to bumper
traffic. I call the office to tell them. I get out of bumper to bumper traffic
and then get caught behind a "Wide Load". I get past the "Wide Load" to get detoured
by a road crew "tree trimming". I get past the "tree
trimming" (and no it's not fucking Christmas!) and get stuck behind a
train....oh yes, this hour and a half drive took well over two hours....
"Say
it!!"
And now
the wait...the wait for instructions...
And I
wait...
And
wait...
And
wait...
It is now
4:30 and I can't believe they haven't called.
I leave a
message with the nurses. I email my
coordinator.
I wait...
It is now
after 5pm.
I was
going to go to the gym after work but I was so shot that I decided to go get
a relaxing pedicure.
I had
cried myself out and faced the fact that they weren't going to call me
(incompetent!!).
I was in
my favorite nail salon with my feet in gloriously relaxing hot water when my
cell phone rings.
It is
6:30pm and it's the clinic calling to give me instructions.
I go
fumbling in my purse to get the phone. When I answer I accidently had it on
speaker and the nurse starts rambling off instructions: " Your transfer is
scheduled for Monday."
Ummm....
"Hi!
Hi! Hi! Can you hold for one sec...just one sec....I need to take you off
speaker!"
Yeah that
got everyone's attention!
The nurse
goes on..."You need to take this med now and that med then and start this med on
this day etc".
I am
scrambling to write it all down because mind you...I am in the middle of the
nail salon with my feet in hot water. I can't get up and find a private place
to talk.
Once the
nurse finishes I say, as quietly as I can: "Can I ask you something? Do I
have a cyst?"
I really
wanted to ask a lot of questions but I was not in the place to do it.
I can "hear"
her looking at my chart.
Then she
says: "Let me get the doctor."
Now Dr.
Period and company consist of about 5 doctors. I have met with Dr. P and of
course Dr. Corny and unfortunately the only other doctor I have talked to there
has been:
Dr.
IDontUnderstandAFuckingWordYouAreSaying!!
Dr. IDFK (I
Don't Fucking Know) for short!!
And both
times I have talked to Dr. IDFK has been on the phone.
Dr. IDFK
has a strong accent.
She starts
asking all kinds of questions: "What was the last cycle you have
done?" "Have you ever had surgery on your uterus?"
If I could
have crawled under my "relaxing" pedicure massage chair or walked on
the gloriously hot water my feet were soaking in out of there I would
have...but instead I was trying to whisper things like: "IUI" and
"D & C"
"Say
it!!"
At one
point she wanted me to get a prescription and asked for my pharmacy's number.
So as I am trying to look up the number online as I am talking on the
phone...the woman in the chair next to me hands me her phone so I can look it
up on her phone while I am talking...sweet...yes...AWKWARD!!...YES!!!...MORTIFYING!!!.....YES!!
At the end
of the conversation the doctor decided that I should come back in 3 days. She
wanted time to review all the ultrasounds they have on file for me and to
review my saline sonogram to try to determine what this "blip" on my
ultrasound could be (competent??)
I hung up
the phone and apologized to the nail salon that they had to know my business...
And in
that time the girl finished my pedicure! No relaxing for me!!
I got up
and walked over to get my manicure and it was at that moment I noticed the
owner of the salon is pregnant!
Then (I
guess miraculously at the same time) the "phone lady" noticed she was
pregnant and they start talking pregnancies and babies...
"Say
it!!"
Hey I
learned that "phone lady" had her babies early (ohhh good for fucking you!!) and that's why her
belly is completely flat! YEAH!!!! She bounced back!! AWESOME!!!
"Say
it!!"
Hey it's
only fair! She knows my business!!
I go back
tomorrow morning...tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn for my close up!
If the "blip" is gone they will schedule my transfer...if not...I will be canceled.
And I am
this close to saying: "Uncle!!!"
