Ladybug

Riding on the dashboard of my car is a Ladybug.  A stuffed Ladybug that sits there and watches over me as I drive.

A stuffed Ladybug who's once black hair has now turned blonde from the beams of sun shining through my car windshield for almost 20 years!

In 1998 for my 30th birthday (yea, y'all can stop doing the math! I'm no spring chicken!) I was finally able to buy myself my dream car! (and yes this Jersey girl can say y'all sometimes too!! I have southern relatives! and some southern roots!)

For my 30th I bought a 1994 Ford Mustang GT convertible with "5 on the floor" - that's a manual 5 speed transmission for those of you who were wondering what "5 on the floor meant" - a stick shift!

I am a firm believer that a Mustang should be 8 cylinders with a manual transmission.  Those who get a Mustang in a 6 cylinder and an automatic are missing the beauty of this classic muscle car! Ford shouldn't even indulge the pansy ass public by making the Mustang in a 6 cylinder automatic! To me it's sacrilege!

So in 1998 for my 30th birthday, I bought myself the car of my dreams in red of course!  My favorite color.  And to christen my beautiful car, I bought a black and red stuffed Ladybug and placed in the windshield. Ladybug has been my good luck charm, my protector, my travel companion, my safe journey as I gallivanted as far as my 5 speeds would take me.

And there on the dashboard of my dream car Ladybug stayed until 2008 when I sold my dream car and bought a new car, a Chevy HHR. I know a far cry from my beloved Mustang but I love this car too! And of course it is red and a stick shift. There are two mandatory things I need when buying a car: it has to be red and it has to be a 5 speed (well of course a 6 speed would do too!)

Ladybug fit in perfectly with my new car and there she sits to this day being my good luck charm, my protector, my travel companion, my safe journey.

On the day I got the call...tax day...there was Ladybug sitting on my dashboard, watching over me as I drove to my adoption agency.

My mom was meeting me there and then we were going to meet the birth mom and the grandmother together.

We met with the social workers first.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how this was going to go...I mean really is there a precedent? Is there any way to prepare for something like this?

At first we went over formalities,  then the social workers painted the picture of when the birth mom and the grandmother saw my profile and how they felt such a strong connection.

And now it was time to meet them...once again I wasn't sure what to expect...and I was scared...would I live up to this strong connection...

As they walked through the door...I felt like I was watching a movie...a movie that I didn't know how it was going to end...

The grandmother walked in. She came right over to me and said: "I feel like I want to hug you!"

I said: "Oh please do!"

And we hugged...we hugged as if we knew each other from a time gone past...

The birth mom was carrying something and reached out to hand it to me.

I was an Easter basket with bunny ears in it. But this basket wasn't weaved or in the shape of a bunny...

No this basket was black and red and in the shape of a...

Ladybug!

As the meeting progress, they told me of all the things that connected them to me...I felt a familiarity that is unexplainable...I studied them...I knew them...they were so familiar...and yes there was a strong connection and things that were just (add a sigh in here!)...things that were just kismet...for lack of a better word...that's the only way I can explain it.

I didn't mention Ladybug to them. Even after we started talking about all the amazing connections...for some reason I kept Ladybug to myself...until...until...

Until the day I picked up my daughter...

I gave the social workers two charm bracelets. One for the birth mom and one for the grandmother...

Two charm bracelets with a single charm on it...

a Ladybug...

I know they know...

And I want them to know that right now...sleeping safely in her crib...is our little Ladybug!