It's no secret that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
I call it the four Fs - Family, Fun, Football and Food!
There's nothing else you need to do but to be grateful for all that you have and enjoy all that you have.
Being my favorite holiday, in the past, it meant that I would partake in the evening before Thanksgiving ritual of partying your ass off!
Yes, that is what you did...you went out Wednesday night, met all of your friends at the bar, got ridiculously drunk and the next day on Thanksgiving you were thankful you had all that food and drink to get you through the day...and you rejoiced! Whooooooo!
And there was this one memorable Thanksgiving Eve when Sio puked in my sock drawer because he was so wasted he actually believed he was in the bathroom.
Classy right! (What a bunch of idiots!)
Fun right!! ( I am being sarcastic here!)
At Christmas that year, every gift I opened was a pack of socks...well at least my family has a sense of humor. And I am thankful for that! And for them...
And as I celebrated my favorite holiday and being grateful, to be honest I would get mad at the "complainers" on Thanksgiving.
I remember one year a friend of mine was spending too much time wallowing in what she didn't have and I ended up getting on my soapbox and giving her the "Be grateful speech".
You know the speech! You get it all the time as an Infertile.
"It could be worse"
"Be thankful for what you have"
All that crap that just pisses me off now!
The worthless platitudes of trying to "put things into perspective" instead of acknowledging ones pain..
Something I really don't do anymore...getting on my soapbox or giving the "Life could be worse...be thankful...you could be starving with one leg" crappy speech that does nothing...
I think that's why this post pisses me off so much!!
THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, ABUNDANT.
Really to be honest I was just going to let it go...I have my own gratitude for what I have...I am thankful everyday not just one day of the year but for some reason this brings out the: "Are you fucking kidding me!" in me...
This shit is only spoken by someone pregnant!
It's kinda worse than a fertile telling you to relax!
To me it doesn't make any sense to be thankful for something that is still hurting so many others.
It's like saying you are thankful that a mass shooting happened because you survived and you are a better person now.
What about all those that didn't survive?
It makes no sense...you might be thankful you survived but to be thankful for the event or the disease???
Could you imagine writing a post about being thankful for the shooting at the Batman movie because it made you a better person??
Maybe write that you are thankful that this experience didn't destroy you, that this experience has showed you your strength...
I just find it so insulting, disrespectful and demeaning to those who haven't survived...
It's like being thankful for war!
I could go on and on...
And then she says: "I wouldn't take it back"...what a load of crap.
What a selfish, self important statement!
I would take it back in a heartbeat! Why! Because if I could make it so there wasn't such a thing as Infertility...
If I could make it so no one had to suffer like this...you're damn right I would take it back!
And not indulge in my "Look at me....I made it through...I am such a better person now..."
"Oh and I'm fucking pregnant!"
What a sanctimonious post that could only be written by someone who is no longer struggling...
Because guess what...if you were still Infertile I can guarantee you this:
You wouldn't be thankful for it!
If you were still Infertile, yes, you would be still be talking about all the things you are grateful for like the post she quotes that she wrote the year before and guess what Infertility isn't one of them!
Oh in that post a year ago I didn't read any "I am thankful for my Infertility" bullshit...why because you were still Infertile!!
"I wish I could reach through my screen and time and tell November 2011 Keiko: “It’ll be different next year..."
How touching...how heartfelt...what self stroking CRAP!!
Hey I wish I could reach through time and space and tell the me of a year ago...the me who just had a D&C a few days before Thanksgiving...I wish I could shake her and tell her: "Wake the fuck up!! It's not going to happen! You are going to spend the next year trying cycle after cycle and failing! Get ready for this abundant, gratifying time in your life!!"
Whatever! Still a bunch of fucking crap! Hurtful, self important, sanctimonious crap that is DEFINITELY NOT Infertility's Voice!
I guess that's why this post doesn't piss me off...
Thank you Katie for acknowledging the heartache and struggle and not being like "I got mine so everyone be grateful!"
This is truly the Infertility Voice!!
And I will raise my Infertility Voice and say yes, I am thankful. I am thankful for the beautiful life that I have, my family, my friends... I am thankful that I am a strong person who is learning and changing everyday from the struggles that I face...I am thankful that I have learned a level of compassion that I didn't know existed....I am thankful I haven't jumped off a bridge yet...but I will never be thankful for something that causes so much pain.
I am thankful that Infertility has taught me enough about pain, suffering and loss to never be thankful for Infertility...I'll let that sink in for a moment!
*Note - I just even want to point out the titles on both posts...The Infertility Voice (yeah right!) the post is all caps..."Look at me"...from If to when...all lowercase...humble...respectful, caring and compassionate.