Teacher there are things...

Sometimes you bury things so deep down inside that you forget they even exist.

Feelings of the past that never reach the surface.

You keep everything suppressed and everyone at an arm's length.

It's not that you always did this. It's something you had to learn to do.

It's a way of protecting yourself.

A way to prevent your heart from being hurt.

When you've suffered tremendous heartbreak you end up learning this lesson and almost instinctively you close yourself off.

If you never fully opened yourself up, no one would ever get inside.

You can't be hurt.

Easy right!

I held on to this lesson for a long time. In the last 9 years, I haven't fully let anyone in.

I learned to compartmentalize and have psychical connections that fulfilled a physical need and convinced myself that I didn't need any other connections.

Did I longfor more? Yes.

Was I open for more? I'm not sure.

I became pretty proficient at keeping my emotions in check...not letting anyone in...

I don't know if it was because I was such a good student or if I just hadn't meet anyone that could teach me differently...teach me how to open up again...

That I don't want to learn...

Well that was until Mr. Selleck came along....

Our first date was 4 hours long.

Our magical, spiritual second date was 9 hours long.

And then time ceased to matter...

Every time he touched my hand, I would look over like I just discovered something new.

Each kiss made me look into his eyes like I already knew him.

When we had sex whether it was soft and sweet or more erotic, it felt like we were opening up to each other on another level.

A level others only wished they could achieve.

*And yes, Mr. Selleck got his name after Magnum...Magnum PI...wink wink... and although I have had previous mountain climbing expeditions before (and Mr. Selleck is by no means a "rib thumper")...this was totally different...somehow we just fit...

We explored each other more and more...with each exploration I opened my heart up just a little bit more. 

And like some ocean wave that topples you when you aren't looking...

I didn't know what hit me...

The next thing I knew he had reawakened my heart...teaching me to love again...

And it wasn't just on a physical level either.

We connected on so many levels.

Physically

Emotionally

Intellectually

Spiritually...

The hours and hours of talking...and boy if there is one thing that Mr. Selleck likes to do...it's talking...

But I'd listen intently and he's fully focused and we started building a friendship.

We talked about past relationships and I found out that Mr. Selleck had just gotten out of a serious relationship only about 5 months earlier...

And the brakes went on...

I didn't want to be his rebound girl.

That's not how I wanted our story to end.

He was teaching me so much...

We talked about it, at length, several times and he repeatedly assured me.

We continued our journey until one day, quite unexpectedly, like that wave that comes up from behind...Mr. Selleck came over and told me he had lied...

He was only out of his previous relationship less than 2 weeks when we met and he couldn't move forward with our relationship...

All of the sudden he was teaching me an old lesson...a lesson I'd learn years ago...if you let someone in...they can break your heart.

My heart broke...

As the wave pulled me under...all of the sudden I couldn't breathe...trying to find my breath...trying to find footing...my mind flashed to the knowing smile from the red headed psychic...

I called her...