Leroy’s MIA

I am sure there are some of you who are wondering why I call my period Leroy. It all started years ago when I met this spunky, crazy and beautifully girl K. K in all her craziness said to me one day “Leroy’s here” and I was like “Leroy?” and she said “You know, your period, Aunt Flo” and then I said “Why do you call it Leroy?” and she then said she felt that Aunt Flo was outdated, needed a more modern name and then sang a verse of “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” Yes, it’s kinda gross and pretty hysterical at the same time. So, I adopted Leroy. My boyfriend at the time used to say (you can throw in your best NJ accent here!) “You know Leroy…Leroy’s the type of guy you are always happy to see but once he’s around you can’t wait for him to leave!” And at that time it was true. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant and was very happy to see Leroy every month but now….now….well, it’s a whole different story. Leroy’s the type of guy that pisses you off every time you see him. We all know that type of guy, the guy who doesn’t have to do anything, doesn’t have to say anything, all he has to do is show up and you are annoyed! Yup that’s Leroy! Now for all you fellas out there named Leroy I apologize but I promise I will not get upset if you call your constipation Michaela because it’s soooo stubborn!

Now, as annoying as Leroy is, there is one thing Leroy has always been in my life and that is very punctual! Leroy is always on time and when you are TTC that can be a very annoying habit or a very awesome habit depending on where you are in your cycle. If you are in the dreaded 2ww analyzing every symptom, praying that you are pregnant and along comes Leroy right on time! Ugghhh you just want to hit that guy! But if you are waiting for Leroy to come along so you can start your next cycle and he comes strutting along exactly when he’s expected, you are not only so glad to see him but very grateful he is so consistent. Well, that is where I am now. Waiting to cycle. So on July 31st I was expecting Leroy at his usual time and he didn’t show up. Hmmm, that’s not like Leroy. I waited a day. Day 2 no Leroy. I started thinking about my little tryst with my Friend with Benefits (yes, I am single but I am not dead! A girl’s gotta eat and this is a very dear friend) hmmm, we weren’t “that” careful but that would be a stretch. If Dr. Doom gave me a practically 0% chance with an IUI then this would have to be like a -10% chance but still I started analyzing every little symptom that I might have and of course making most of them up in my head. That is classic 2ww behavior. Then the groping of the boobs ritual starts. Boobs not sore. Day 3 no Leroy. Still groping myself. Hmm, Boobs still not sore. I take a HPT and its negative. It could still be early I tell myself. The am I pregnant, I’m not pregnant crazy train leaves the station. More groping. Day 5 no Leroy. I take another HPT and it is negative again. Okay so now I am a little freaked out! Where’s Leroy? I keep telling myself I have to stop groping myself but until Leroy shows up what’s a girl to do? And not only that, did I mention that Leroy is ALWAYS punctual!! The only time Leroy has not been punctual is when I was pregnant so I ask again WHERE IS LEROY?? All of the sudden it is like I have lost my best friend. It would be one thing if I knew why Leroy wasn’t coming but I don’t. I’m not pregnant so why, now of all times, when I am getting ready to start my 2nd IVF cycle is Leroy a no show! God it’s just like Leroy…whether he’s here or not he’s in some way pissing you off.

Well, the saga of where’s Leroy continues as I get ready to go to sleep I am pretty sure I am going to wake up on Day 6 without Leroy. Come on Leroy! I actually miss you!