Thursday, December 30, 2010

I can’t fight this feeling anymore…

What will I become?

I keep trying to feel nothing. Nothing at all.

If I feel nothing, nothing at all will I be able to avoid the pain, the pain if I fall?

As I try to feel nothing, nothing at all, my world closes in around me, I fall to the floor.

The emptiness that surrounds me, a giant gaping hole, as I sob and sob

I scream “I can’t cry anymore!”

“Please God I can’t cry anymore”

As I try to feel nothing, nothing at all there’s a flutter inside.

Could it be hope, is hope still alive?

I dream of what could be and all its possibilities.

For a moment I smile.

But what if it’s not meant to be?

As I try to feel nothing, nothing at all I can’t help but wonder “What’s going to become of me?”

*Note – I have never claimed to be a poet or even a writer for that matter. As I struggle with the question “What’s going to become of me?” these are the words that came to me. So I thought I would share.



  1. It's beautiful and familiar. You are not alone.
    I love you girl!

  2. Your words are beautiful and hot home for so many of us. Thank you for sharing them....

  3. Michaela... I ask myself the same thing.. Let's kick 2010 aside and welcome 2011 with open arms.. it will be our year, it will be our year!!! Hugs to you. Wish we lived closer so we support each other.

  4. For someone who claims to not be a writer, you do really well. It is beautiful and, as Charity said, so familiar. Thanks!

  5. Haunting and oh so familiar. You echo our ethoughts, our worries, our emptiness. Have you spoken with a counsellor?

  6. That was beautifully expressed...I do hope that you find some answers. But, I'm happy to hear you an still feel the flutter of hope.

  7. I am so there right now too lady... lots of love to you.

  8. Hi Michaela, my first visit to your blog and I see that we are not so very different. I hope 2011 brings you only good things and that the pain & fear gives way to the joy of a successful cycle.

  9. A very honest post and so very true for so many people. There are awesome things out there for you. This isn't the end. BTW - I was a single mom for 9 years, by choice, and it was great. My son, now 13, is such a great kid...and we cherish and often remark on those years. We're a team through and through... I'll be keeping you in my thoughts - take care!



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