Eat, Sleep and Poop!

Today I went in for my ultrasound and blood work to determine how many eggs I have, what sizes they are and to see when my ET will probably be and well the news wasn’t good! It is coming dangerously close to my greatest fear being realized. My greatest fear is that I would go in, lay back, place my feet in the stirrups, wait for the doctor to insert the ultrasound cam (or as so many of the TTC ladies like to call it “the dildo cam”) and as the doctor moves the cam around inside of me he says “There are no eggs!” That is my greatest fear. And no it didn’t come true today but after 1 week of stimming on the highest doses of meds possible, I have 4. Yes, I know it could be worse. 4 is better than none. I know that and I am trying to be grateful for the 4 I have but…it hurts.

Dr. Wow, well, he always lives up to his name because he kept saying “Everything is good. Everything looks good”. He continued with: “Alright, well, we have something to work with which is good.” Followed by his sweet handshake, which he doesn’t really shake your hand but cradles your hand in both of his (which is very comforting) and then smiles and says: “Hang in there my dear”. But I know it’s not good. I know these numbers suck! They suck out loud! But boy did today only confirm to me the fact that I have a giant crush on Dr. Wow! Even with my sucky ass numbers he still found a way to make it all sound good. When I was with Dr. Doom you could hear an audible sigh of disgust or disappointment when he would do your ultrasound but not Dr. Wow. Always so sweet. Serious crush!

My last 2 cycles for each I had 6. I was hoping to have the same or more, not less. Less hurts. It puts my chances for success on my last cycle really low. And it hurts. I just wanted a fighting chance.

After my disappointing doctor’s appointment I went to Violet for some acupuncture. I told her about my numbers and how upsetting it is. She listened and then said as she was putting each needle into my belly, in her adorable Eastern Block accent she says: “You never know!” “More eggs could develop and they can mature very quickly. You never know. Now try to relax.” She shut off the lights and I was out.

I don’t remember what I was dreaming when she came back in but she says: “I see you were able to relax”. I smiled and said “Yes” (as I think I was wiping some drool away). Then she said (with that sweet accent of hers) “You have done everything possible to make this work. You have to now trust. You cannot get upset or depressed. All you have to do now is eat, sleep and poop!”

Since I already feel asleep during the session I had that covered. I went and got a sandwich and well…now I’m not sure if the extra needles in my belly were her intentions to make the last part of her statement come true but when I got home let's just say achieving the latter portion of her advice was a giant success!

So, I go back on Thursday to see how everything is growing and until then I am going to follow Violet’s advice and just “Eat, sleep and poop”. I’m pretty good at all three so it shouldn’t be too hard.