Tuesday, January 25, 2011

We don’t get fooled again!!

What are the chances...


After my 2nd IVF cycle failed I was crushed. I believed every last leaf blowing in the wind to be some kind of sign that I was pregnant. Now to be fair I did have some compelling signs but alas (I always wanted to use the word alas in a sentence!) they were just mere coincidences.

So now when I came home the other night and I found a package on my doorstep address to me and that package was a free sample of Similac Baby Formula I have to make sure that I DO NOT TAKE IT AS A SIGN!!

I sometimes participate in focus groups for extra money. You have to qualify for the focus group. To determine your eligibility they conduct a survey. When I went online to take the latest survey and that survey had questions like: “Are you a first time mother?” “Are you currently pregnant?” etc. I said to myself: I REFUSE TO TAKE THAT AS A SIGN!! And the fact that I (without hesitation) answered yes to those questions DOES NOT MEAN IT IS A SIGN!!

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend…


In order to “not get fooled again” I will be spending my 2ww talking myself off the ledge! For whatever I am feeling or not feeling, I will give the symptom and a logical explanation. For those of you at home you can play along and enter your symptom and logical explanation!

My boobs are sore – Why yes, yes they are! That is because you are shoving progesterone up your cookie 3 times a day!!! Or it’s because you won’t stop touching them!!

My boobs look veiny – Your natural skin tone is a purplish pink. It takes you a weeks worth of tanning just to get white. Of course your boobs look veiny! You are clear! You can see every vein coursing through your body!

I feel twinges – IT’S PROBABLY GAS once again from the progesterone that is leaking out of every pore!! Or at least leaking out of your cookie non-stop every day all day long!!

I have some craps – Which is probably a giant poop! WHICH IS FROM THE GAS! Which is from the progesterone!!

I have heartburn – Ever since you turned 35 you ALWAYS HAVE HEARTBURN! Go to a doctor already for Christ’s sake!!

I can’t stop eating – Yeah dexamethasone will do that to you! *It’s a steroid that they put you on at the start of your IVF cycle. I have been on it for over a month now and I have the extra weight to prove it! So all day long I am shoveling food down my throat!

My cervix feels high – Quit playing with yourself!! Or at least checking…you have no idea what you are looking for so stop it!

I got a zit on my chin – Well you have been shoveling crap food down your throat for the last month. It was bound to catch up with you!

I’m tired – You work two jobs (really three) and you have had this workaholic behavior all your life so you are ALWAYS tired!!

The Math is NOT in my favor – Really? Do you really know every women going through IVF at the same time as you so you can actually statistically determine whether it will work for you or not? You’re not Doing the Math! You’re guessing the Math!

I’m feeling frisky – Which leads me to believe Leroy is on his way and it didn’t work. Or it’s because you keep touching yourself!! No wonder you’re frisky!!

I don’t feel anything – It’s microscopic!! How are you supposed to feel microscopic?

I don’t have any symptoms and all the other women who got BFPs felt twinges or cramps or sore boobs – Yeah they probably did and most likely it was GAS, causing a GIANT POOP, they were touching themselves or it is all a side effect from too much progesterone that they all mistook as a symptom!!

I did 3 IVF cycles and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt:

Maybe what should happen is on the day you get your transfer, as soon as the RE puts your little embabies back you hear either a “Ding, Ding, Ding…” bell signaling that it worked or a loud “EEEETTTT” or “Whomp, whomp, whomp” indicating defeat.

This way you know. You know right away. It really is like spinning a wheel except you have to wait 2 weeks before the wheel stops.

If only you could know as soon as you transfer, this way you wouldn’t be analyzing every little zit and every little shit and every little fart in the wind as being some kind of sign!



  1. love your post! - I had ALL the signs every time - never pregnant!

  2. I hate playing "signs roulette." I have driven myself crazy with it so many times. Here's hoping really good things though. :-)

  3. The signs are evil personified.

    But your post made me LOL - so I guess some good really does come from evil. :)

  4. I hated the symptoms game since most symptoms could predict either way...sore boobs? could be a good sign, could be AF...frustrating!

  5. I HATE that. I had all of the signs after a couple of my IUIs, and nothing. Absolutely nothing. It pissed me off to no end.

  6. Good signs are good signs so I'll take it!
    Wishing you the biggest BFP ever!!

  7. I, too, was fooled by signs. For my last IUI, I was convinced it would work because my due date would be Sept 2nd which is one of my BFF's birthday. She also dealt with IF and now has a little boy as a result of ICSI. Well, it was a BFN. So screw you signs. You suck.

    Perhaps we should all pool our IVF thoughts and comments and open up a t-shirt shop on Cafe Press. I'll bet we could make some good money selling those "I did 3 IVF cycles and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt". ;)

  8. You made me laugh a lot in this post! I totally wish we could hear those sound affects when we try, telling us whether it worked or not. would save a lot of angst. all said, I am sending you good wishes and hope this time that the signs lead to a happy place.

  9. Great post! With all of the drugs there is no such thing as a sign, or lack of a sign... which just makes every day of waiting that much worse. I'm hoping it's beyond the drugs for you and this is your BFP!!!

  10. This made me smile...hope you get your "ding ding ding" even if you have to wait a while for it.

  11. What a great post!

    I hope you are doing well and surviving the 2ww. Keeping you in my thoughts, my friend.

  12. I've been shoving crap food down my throat too. I think I've consumed 3 lbs of candy hearts this week. (my dad sent 6 lbs because I can't get them where I live, and they are half gone) So the break outs, tummy ache and weight gain are probably due to that.

    I've enjoyed your blog and wanted to share a blogging award with you. The details are on my blog. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  13. Girl, you crack me up! I wish there was a way of knowing for sure. I hate that you have to play the waiting game with all these stinkin’ hormones messing with your body.

  14. OK, first of all - you totally just quoted Third Eye Blind mid post... love it!!

    Second of all, I wish I had had you around during BOTH of my cycles! I could have used your dose of reality!

    Totally rooting for you lady!

  15. You are hilarious! I love this post. And am so glad that you were so honest.

    This process sucks. Keeping your sense of humor about you is hugely helpful.

    Fingers crossed!!!

  16. Hi there, I found your blog through a search on google and joined as a follower to follow your journey



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