Saturday, May 14, 2011

Loose Lips...

This Mother’s Day, like so many Mother’s Days of yore, was full of good food, fine wine, lots of laughs, too much talk, embarrassment and hidden tears.

My oldest sister, Sissy M, held Mother’s Day brunch this year.

Brunch was starting at 11:30 and I arrived a little before noon.

As always everything was set up beautifully. Sissy M really has a gift for this stuff. Her home should be showcased in Better Homes and Garden.

Out of the 3 girls; me, Sissy M and Sissy L - Sissy M got all of the domestic genes, Sissy L got some and I got none.

Sissy L is very mechanical. She helped me put together my entertainment center when all I could manage to do was pull all the parts out of the box and have them remain scattered on my living room floor until Sissy L came to the rescue.

But Sissy M…Sissy M is truly domestically talented. She is gifted. She could make a decorative something or other out of a toilet paper roll and it would be beautiful!

Me on the other hand, I got neither gene! I’m not mechanical and I am not domestic. My sisters used to make fun me. I would tell them that I am an intricate part of society; without people like me willing to pay to have things done instead of doing it myself, people would be out of a job. I’d rather pay someone to paint then paint myself…I am what keeps society afloat.

Both Sissy M and Sissy L would laugh and tell me that things will change once I have kids. That I will be doing everything myself in order to save money not spend money. I often wonder if my lack of domestic tendencies it what has, in some way, brought me to where I am today! It is either that or the fact that both of my sisters had their children so young that I vowed never to be 19 and pregnant. Its funny how things can backfire on you isn’t it?

Either way I was spending another childless Mother’s Day and thinking to myself: “If I didn’t miscarry, today would be my 1st Mother’s Day”

As I was checking out the spread and sampling some of the goodies on the beautifully decorated buffet table, I noticed champagne glasses and I say “Hey! I already missed the champagne toast?” and that was when my mom sauntered over with this little smirk on her face and said:

“YUP!! I’ve already had one glass of champagne and 2 (and you can stretch out the word two) glasses of wine.” And then she put on a giant smile like the Cheshire Cat!!

Oh my god, my mom’s drunk! Well at least buzzed and on her way to drunk.

Now one thing I do have to mention, in my whole life I might have seen my mother drunk 3 times and that’s counting this Mother’s Day!

So it was quite amusing that she was “getting her drink on”!

Yes, quite amusing until she decided to start asking about my next cycle (which I might add she likes to call a Series; It’s a cycle Mom!) while we were all eating brunch.

Quite amusing until she started saying words like: “Insemination” and “Uterus” louder than any other words.

Quite amusing until my brother in-law had to say: “Icksnay on the uterusay!!” and whispered to me through his laughter: “I am mortified for you!”

My response: “Thanks!” Just “Thanks!” - To be quite honest, none of this probably wouldn’t have bothered me at all if it wasn’t for the added guests. I come from a family full of women. We discuss impropriate things while eating all the time.

And it became even more amusing when after I told her that I didn’t really want to tell anyone about my plans because I was so tired of all the questions, and that even well meaning question are just too hurtful sometimes, she went on to ask me a ton of questions (some well meaning but hurtful).

And then after the embarrassment and 20 questions, she declared she needed to lie down!!

And as embarrassing as all it was. And as hurtful as some of those well meaning questions can be I do know that it is all because she loves me and wants what’s best for me. My mom is truly awesome even when she’s sleeping on the couch during Mother’s Day brunch.

And the day, well, it was all very funny and I am laughing about it. One of the funniest Mother’s Day moments to date!

But I did end up crying all the way home.



  1. Mothers Day is hard. I'm not sure if it's worse to talk about cycles or to leave it as the elephant in the room... either way changes nothing... we end up feeling like crap and crying. I'm glad the day is over, for this year.

  2. Oh sweetie, I can totally relate to that scene. I understand the way mother’s day can feel. I hated it. I cried like a maniac. And still do. I admire your strength that you are able to actually laugh at some of the days events. You are amazing, girl.

  3. Dear Michaela,
    You sound like a wonderful girl, and we have a lot in common.... I am a very private person, and I don't "blog", but your website and story was really compelling, so I thought I would reach out.

    I am also over 40, also waited for Mr. Right for a little too long, and eventually went on a quest to have a baby on my own, like you. After many tries of at home insemination, one IUI, and 2 IVFs, I got finally pregnant (the second IVF would have been my last, had it not worked). I just started my second trimester, and I totally understand that feeling of feeling incomplete if this doesn't happen for you. But I want to tell you about the "other side of the coin" too. Like you, when I found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. But as time has passed, I have started to worry (a lot) about the effects of what an anonymous donor father would have on my child, if all goes well and I actually deliver my baby. It does not help that I have read articles recently saying that children of anonymous donors recent the fact that they don't know who their father is and feel a sense of loss over this their whole life.
    I guess I'm telling you about these doubts that I'm having because I want you to consider that nothing is perfect, even when you do become pregnant this way- there are pitfalls, and other things to worry about...
    Maybe you will get pregnant with donor sperm in the future and you will not worry about the things I am worrying about, or maybe God has a different plan for you.
    I guess what I'm saying is, trust that life for you is developing the way it's supposed to, and please don't let this issue ruin your life, or take the joy out of you. There are many paths to becoming a parent, and you will figure yours out, I'm sure. Being pregnant is fulfilling in many ways, but it does not resolve the difficult issue of dealing with the fact that, as single women, the baby will not have a biological father, ever. So please take heart, embrace whatever comes your way in knowing that this is what was meant for you, and hold on to your joy, no matter what comes. You sound like you deserve it.

  4. Anonymous,

    Thank you so much for your comments. I do take them to heart and it means so much to me that you took the time to write me such meaningful comments.

    I am not sure if you have ever visited the Single Mothers by Choice website but they frequently have support and help with donor issues.

    I opted for an ID donor so that my child can contact that donor when they turn 18.

    Also, I know 1st hand that having a biological father does not mean you will have a dad.

    Mine left me when I was very little and believe me when I tell you, your little one will be fine because he or she has you!!

  5. Thank you, Michaela, for that quick response! I really wrote to you from the heart b/c I know exactly how you feel, and you really sound like a great person. In turn, you have helped me with your own experience with your biological dad, and I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

    I will definitely check out the website you recommended, and will also keep rooting for you and checking in on your inspirational journey.

  6. Anonymous,

    Thank you!!

    I am so glad we can be here for each other.



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