Sunday, July 18, 2010

Arabian Nights

My dear friend V had a party yesterday in celebration of her 1 year anniversary. Now what you don’t know about V is that she doesn’t just have a party, picnic or bbq. No, not V, she goes all out. Her parties have a theme, games, events, costumes and acts. So, yesterday’s party was no different. It was an event. The theme was Arabian Nights and there were harem girls, a henna artist, a fortune teller, a hookah and belly dancing! I told you it was an event!

So as I was deciding what to wear, digging through my closet, pretty much vetoing everything b/c of the extra weight I’ve gained courtesy of fertility treatments, I saw, neatly tucked away in the back of my closet, the blue handkerchief dress my sister had given me for my birthday last year. Beautiful dress, appropriate for the party, definitely fits the theme…but should I wear it? Could I wear it? I thought no, no I can’t, I can’t wear that dress and once again, I neatly tucked it into the back of my closet and continued my vetoing session. No, no, no, no, no! UGGHHHH!! There has to be something in here that I can wear that would be perfect for an Arabian Nights party. Why, yes, yes there is something perfect to wear to an Arabian Nights party and that something is the blue handkerchief dress. I reached into the back of the closet and pulled out the dress again. I held it up, gently pressing it against my body and imagined what I would have looked like in that dress if I had actually been able to wear that dress to the one party that I had planned on wearing to: My Baby Shower.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant (that was in February), me and my sister started planned everything; including my baby shower. Since my due date was in October we decided the baby shower would be in August. I immediately decided that I would be wearing the blue handkerchief dress with my dragonfly necklace and matching earrings. I couldn’t wait! I would picture myself in that dress with a big belly and even bigger boobs walking (or should I say waddling) into my baby shower. It was the most perfect picture in my mind. I couldn’t imagine being any happier or wearing anything else. But that baby shower would never happen. I miscarried in March. I thought about wearing that dress to my cousin’s wedding in April but it was too soon so, I tucked the dress neatly into the back of my closet and that’s where it has taken up residency until yesterday. As I stood there holding that dress in front on my body imagining my beautiful belly and of course giant boobs, I started molding the dress against my real body, my normal belly and somewhat smallish boobs and realized that yes, I can wear this dress. I pulled the dress over my head, tied the halter top behind my neck, went to my jewelry box and pulled out my dragonfly necklace and matching earrings and put them on. I slowly walked over to the mirror and much to my surprise I saw me, not the pregnant me I imagined but just me and I felt good. I felt pretty. And somewhere in the back of my mind I saw the pregnant me, with my beautiful, big belly and even bigger boobs waddling into my baby shower wearing the perfect dress and I smiled because I can’t wait for that day. And b/c I know my good friend V is going to throw one hell of a baby shower.



  1. Your dragonfly necklace is beautiful and the dress sounds equally as pretty! I'm so sorry for you loss in March. But it sounds like you are in a really good place right now--acceptance and hopeful at the same time.
    And there's something to be said about visualization--keep it up!! I can't wait to see the pics from your baby shower wearing the beautiful blue handkerchief dress. :)

  2. I love that necklace, but I love this post even more. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am so happy for you that it seems you have come to an OK place with it... I don't think that's an easy thing to do at all, and I honestly can't imagine. I'm terrified of a miscarriage already, and I haven't even gotten my BFP. Like I said, I'm sorry - but your courage is inspiring!

  3. I'm very sorry for your loss.

    This post is great, I hope that vision comes true in the near future!



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