EXPOSED – No shoes, No shirt, No service…It’s funny,they never said anything about no pants!

I said to a friend the other day while talking about my journey:

“I’ve had so many people looking at my whoo-haa over the last year, I don’t even know why I bother showing up with pants on”

Of course we laughed but then it got me thinking about how I was at the beginning of this journey and how I am now. Who I talked to and who I kept it a secret from, the hours I cried, the constant doctor visits, the rollercoaster of emotions, how I was completely devastated after my first doctor (I call him Dr. Doom) diagnosed me with DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) and said to me “You have a practically 0% chance of conceiving with your own eggs” and how unbelievably ecstatic I was to prove him wrong and get pregnant on my 4th IUI (Intrauterine Insemination or Artificial Insemination. I promise to get an acronym list up soon!). From my miscarriage which no words can express how painful that loss is to my renewed hope b/c of Dr. Wow and IVF, from how I am right now full of fight and determination compared to how I felt 2 weeks ago feeling completely lost when my first IVF cycle failed.

Even my sheer modesty at the beginning is somewhat laughable. I remember changing in the bathroom for one of my exams, of course this was at the beginning of my journey, and carefully wrapping the ever so popular (and flimsy) pink paper (I don’t know what you call it) sheet (?) around my waist so that absolutely every part of me below the waist was covered. I placed the opening to the side so that the “private parts” my butt and whoo-haa where completely covered and I then (without thinking) quickly bent down to pick up my clothes off the bathroom floor and RIPPPPP!!! Yup, ripped the whole back out of my lovely pink, paper sheet and now my a&% was getting cold and if I tried to turn the sheet around my whoo-haa would be saying hello! And as I walked out of the bathroom to the exam table I was still trying to hold up this tattered piece of paper to make sure everything was covered! Today, me today…I don’t even bring the pink doily (yup I now call it a doily b/c that thing keeps getting smaller and smaller or my a&% is getting bigger and bigger but that’s another story)…I don’t even bring the pink doily into the bathroom with me anymore. I go in, pee, strip, come out (naked from the waist down…oh how I hate that phrase), sit on the edge (cause you always have to be on the very edge) of the table and just drape my pink doily over my lap. No muss no fuss and to be quite honest it would even bother me if someone accidently walked in while I was exposing myself from the waist down as I sauntered from the bathroom to the exam table. They are going to get a very up close and personal view of my downtown area soon enough…so why bother. And you see, that’s kinda the point. Over the last couple of months I have told everyone about my journey. It started with a video to Oprah and I figured if you are trying to put something on Oprah the whole world is going to find out sooner or later anyway. So, I put it on Facebook and I started a blog and boy does that feel good. I’m walking around with no pants on and I’m enjoying every minute of it. The questions don’t bother me. If I can help someone along the way then ask away!!

So, the bottom line is (yes, pun intended!)I’ve exposed myself in so many ways over the last couple of months that it’s refreshing to be able to saunter around with your pants off than trying to carefully cover everything up.



PS - For those of you who haven’t seen my Oprah video…here’s a link! My Oprah Video