Thursday, July 15, 2010
How did I end up here?
I guess that is the question of the hour…How did I end up here? There was a time when I felt that the question alone was devastating. How did I end up here? How did I screw up my life so bad that I would be 41 and alone, no children? How? The hours of crying, the why me’s…don’t get me wrong, I still have those moments but they are fading and I’m coming to terms with where I am now. As I try to answer the question: “How did I end up here?” I realize that in order to go forward sometimes we will have to look back. Now if this was a movie this is the part where the 60’s music would cue up (well in my case the 80’s music) and there would be a flashback of me heading off to college with a really bad feathered hair-do and “Flashdance” style shirt, standing next to my 1972 Dodge Duster (I don’t think they even make those cars anymore!) saying goodbye to my High School sweetheart. I wonder if my 41 year old self now would run up to the 1980’s me and scream “Don’t leave him! You’re going to end up alone and childless!!” I know the 35 year old me, even the 38 year old me wouldn’t…they both thought I still had time…hmmm…but the more I think about, I know the 41 year old me, the me now wouldn’t stop the me then. I wouldn’t stay. There are so many things in my life that I wouldn’t want to miss out on and that first day of college is one of them. So, how did I end up here? It certainly wasn’t because I chose to leave my High School sweetheart and go to college…was it? Nay, it couldn’t be…So as I move forward onto the next phase of my life I can’t help but look back and wonder…Oh, and by the way my High School sweetheart ended up marrying my best friend…How’s that for a movie style ending!