Thursday, July 15, 2010

How did I end up here?

I guess that is the question of the hour…How did I end up here? There was a time when I felt that the question alone was devastating. How did I end up here? How did I screw up my life so bad that I would be 41 and alone, no children? How? The hours of crying, the why me’s…don’t get me wrong, I still have those moments but they are fading and I’m coming to terms with where I am now. As I try to answer the question: “How did I end up here?” I realize that in order to go forward sometimes we will have to look back. Now if this was a movie this is the part where the 60’s music would cue up (well in my case the 80’s music) and there would be a flashback of me heading off to college with a really bad feathered hair-do and “Flashdance” style shirt, standing next to my 1972 Dodge Duster (I don’t think they even make those cars anymore!) saying goodbye to my High School sweetheart. I wonder if my 41 year old self now would run up to the 1980’s me and scream “Don’t leave him! You’re going to end up alone and childless!!” I know the 35 year old me, even the 38 year old me wouldn’t…they both thought I still had time…hmmm…but the more I think about, I know the 41 year old me, the me now wouldn’t stop the me then. I wouldn’t stay. There are so many things in my life that I wouldn’t want to miss out on and that first day of college is one of them. So, how did I end up here? It certainly wasn’t because I chose to leave my High School sweetheart and go to college…was it? Nay, it couldn’t be…So as I move forward onto the next phase of my life I can’t help but look back and wonder…Oh, and by the way my High School sweetheart ended up marrying my best friend…How’s that for a movie style ending!



  1. Welcome to the blogging world! I love your first post. I'm the same way, though I wish I wasn't still single and trying to become a mom alone at 39, I wouldn't change the past that got me here, either.

  2. Seriously, I keep doing that - this is the third time I've commented on someone's blog from the wrong account. That's what happens when you have too many email accounts. LOL This comment is from the real me! :)

  3. Hi!! I'm so glad you liked've inspired me!



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