Wednesday, June 29, 2011
My Brother In-Law Vince…
I like to think of myself as a spiritual person but if I was to say that I was a religious person, I would be lying.
Yes, when I was younger I used to go to church with my Grandma Hope and yes, over the last two years I have started going back to church.
I am trying to be a religious person but I am not quite there yet.
You see every Sunday when I go to church I wonder if I am fit to sit in that pew.
I tend to have, I guess what I would deem, inappropriate thoughts in church.
Recently over Easter it seemed like every week we would do the Last Supper ceremony with the breaking of the bread and drinking of the wine (well, grape juice) and all I could think of was: “Again!! We are doing this again! Didn’t we do this last Sunday! Ughh…it adds like 20 minutes onto church” (and you can draw out that last statement with a childlike whine!)
And I might add that there have been other “ceremonies” added to the middle of the church service that received the same childlike whining response from me!! Of course only in my head.
That is somewhat inappropriate.
And then there was the time Pastor Don said “Shit” in the middle of the service.
He didn’t really mean to swear at all. He was trying to say two things at once and the word “Shit” came out of his mouth.
Now of course, I start chuckling and looked around to see no one else laughing. I mean, come on, the pastor just said “Shit” but it gets even better…after about 5 minutes Pastor Don says: “I feel I need to pray. Will you pray with me?”
And we all lower our heads and of course all I am thinking is “Pastor Don said Shit! Pastor Don said Shit!” (Inappropriate) and then he starts the prayer and he says; I will paraphrase a little bit but it went something like this:
“Dear Lord please allow the words you mean for me to say be the words that come out of my mouth”
Okay now I am really laughing…the pastor just prayed to God that he doesn’t swear again…and once again I look around and no one else is laughing. Okay I might have caught one or two people laughing. Either way I had to hide my face behind my bible.
Inappropriate. Funny but inappropriate.
During the service there is a moment when the pastor asks the congregation to share any good news. And people raise their hands and then tell of their good news. Well one Sunday a couple raised their hand to tell the good news that they are having a girl! And all I could think was “REALLY!! F&%king really. Does this shit really have to follow me everywhere!!”
That is selfish and inappropriate!
Now, I will not go into the image that came to my mind when the pastor had someone kneel in front of him as he put his hands on their head. Let’s just say from my angle COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE!!
And then there is My Brother In-Law Vince…
During the service there is also a moment where we say a prayer for those people listed in the bulletin and then the pastor asks if there is anyone else we would like to pray for. People raise their hands, the pastor would point to them and they would say who they would like us to pray for and we would all then say “Amen”.
Well, every Sunday there is a woman who sits up front and every Sunday she raises her hand and every Sunday she says a list of people. And every Sunday the last person on the list is always “And my Brother In-Law Vince”.
And all I can think is “Holy Crap! Every Sunday…And my Brother In-Law Vince”
“What the hell is wrong Vince? And why after 2 years is there still something wrong with Vince!!”
“Come on Vince!!”
And I even say it in my head before she says it…”And my Brother In-Law Vince”
That is definitely inappropriate!
And I guess I don’t or should I say didn’t really get it until now…
After I found out my cycle was cancelled…
After the tears, the feeling of complete defeat and the certainty that this all must be signs from God that I should give up.
That night I even yelled at God: “Do you want me to give up because I won’t!”
After all that as I was getting ready for bed or should I say getting ready to cry myself to sleep, I received a text message from a friend of mine:
“Hi Michaela. I was thinking about u and I was praying for u today so u can become a Mom and have your baby. Don’t worry. It will happen”
Just like that I received a different kind of sign. I received a prayer.
And I know that there have been many friends and family telling me that they are praying for me. And it is not that I don’t believe them or think their prayers are any less significant.
It’s just that this text came at 9:05pm when no one knew my cycle had been cancelled yet. When I was asking God if he was sending me negative signs and begging for a positive one.
“I was praying for u so u can become a Mom and have your baby”
Praying for me, so I can have my baby…
“Don’t worry. It will happen”
And there was my sign…
And then there were more tears…tears of hope.
And then suddenly I got it. In my heart I got it.
And that night before I went to bed, I said a prayer for her Brother In-Law Vince.