Friday, August 24, 2012
I couldn't decide on a title for this post because I have so many different titles running around in my head. Each title representing the cacophony of emotions and thoughts that have been overtaking my mind and my heart.
cacophony (noun) - an unpleasant combination of loud, often jarring, sounds *aka - the sound of my tears (screams and sobs)...
Strike 12 - Forever Whiffer!
Yes, I just completed my 12th cycle and I struck out again. BFN!
That is now 4 BFNs in a row.
Will I forever be that little girl in her own backyard fearful that the only thing I will ever be able to do is strike out?
3 + 12 = 0
On August 28th it will 3 years since I started TTC.
3 years and 12 cycles
2 pregnancies and 2 miscarriages
Definition of Insanity
Am I crazy? Could one actually try cycle #13 (or #14 or #15) and expect a different outcome?
Everyone but me
I have been completely left behind. I am the last one from just about all my boards who hasn't had a baby or isn't pregnant which only solidifies my theory that everyone but me will become a mom.
All I have wanted is to become a mom and I know that I have my adoption and I pray every day it will come through so I can stop this obsession about getting pregnant.
Every since I miscarried all I want is to be pregnant. It's all I want.
And I won't stop until I am a mom. (Please God let me become a mom!)
Why can't it be me for once?
When is enough, enough?
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Completely speechless! I am so speechless that it has taken me two weeks to be able to create this incoherent post!
If God's Plan is for me NOT to be a mother than I want nothing to do with him or his f-ing plan!
In a bad place
Yes, I am in a bad place. I can't see my way out and the pain is unbearable.
And I am pretty sure this bad place must be hell!